


Tidal Waves

by Basingstoke



Series: Sestina [2]
Category: Homicide: Life on the Street, due South
Genre: Crossover, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-01-09
Updated: 2001-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basingstoke/pseuds/Basingstoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>many thanks to jacquez and fuzzi cat for beta duties. </p>
    </blockquote>





	Tidal Waves

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to jacquez and fuzzi cat for beta duties. 

The curtains rippled over the stew pot.  Fraser snatched the pot away before the cloth settled in with the mushrooms.  

"Do you need a hand?"

"Oh no, I'm just clearing the table.  Thank you, Ray."  Fraser set the pot on the counter next to the leftover rolls and returned to the couch next to Ray.

It was deep night.  A blanket of clouds obscured the stars and reflected the streetlights back onto the buildings below.  The noise of the streets blew in with the wind through the half-open window, punctuated by sirens and un-muffled motors.

Ray adjusted the pillow against his back to take the strain off his stiff arm.  "Glad we could do this, Benny."  

Fraser poured the tea, adding milk and sugar with the precision of a laboratory technician.  The tea set was an odd mix:  an elegant black bamboo-handled Japanese teapot with garish cow-print mugs and octagonal steel pitchers for the milk and sugar.  "Of course, Ray.  Ray understands that we need some time to ourselves."  He handed a mug to Ray, and Ray took it, leaning back and spreading one arm along the back of the couch.

"How do you do that, Benny?  Nobody can figure it out."  

"Make tea?"

"Say our names differently.  You do it and there's no question. Anybody else, there's questions."  He and Kowalski both had to go by their last names at work after a confusing week full of Rays, and people still sometimes slipped and called Kowalski Vecchio.  He thought sometimes that the best thing about his impending promotion was that he would get his own name back.  He wondered if that was how women felt after a divorce.

Fraser sipped his tea, looking reflective.  "I'm not sure exactly how I do it.  I suppose it's because I'm thinking of two different people."  He blinked at Ray as if that would explain everything.

"Yeah, I guess so."  Ray slurped at the tea.  They sat for a moment in silence.

"So what did you want to talk to me about, Ray?"  Fraser met Ray's eyes.

"I, ah..."  Ray looked around the apartment.  It wasn't Ray's kind of nice, but it wasn't bad. Sort of cluttered. There were three bookshelves along the wall stuffed with books and pictures and mementos; the postcard he'd sent Fraser at the beginning of his undercover assignment was framed and set at eye level.  There were two separate pictures of parents with small boys, but Ray couldn't tell which was which from where he sat.  Kowalski's little carvings were everywhere.  A poncho in the corner under the window looked like it served as Dief's bed, from the careful way it was twisted into a spiral.  

Some things were obviously Kowalski's:  the bike hanging from the ceiling, the transparent blue plastic phone with the duct-taped cord. Others were Fraser's, like the twin oil lamps and the sewing kit. Ray was getting used to the idea of Fraser and Kowalski being together in the sticky sense of the word. 

"So.  All this furniture is Kowalski's, huh?"  Ray prodded the couch experimentally.  "It's not a bad place."  

Fraser nodded.  "I don't own any furniture apart from the chest.  What wasn't burned in my father's cabin was destroyed in my apartment fire. The chest was damaged, but I managed to repair it."  

Ray thought of his house, his car, his books and possessions, and most of all his family wrapped around him like a blanket. He'd thought that he would never miss Frannie's perfume or Tony and Maria's shouts as they fought in the kitchen.  His assignment in Las Vegas had shown him how comfortable he really was in Chicago, where he knew every street and every person on them.

And here was Fraser, with only a wolf and a nut case walking beside him.  "Are you two getting along okay?" Ray asked.  

Fraser smiled.  "Oh yes, Ray, we're getting along quite well in all regards.  Ray even agreed to replace the bed with a sleeping bag, since we're so used to it after our adventure."  Fraser nodded to the bedroom.

"You--_sleeping bag_?  You're kidding me--"

Fraser was grinning.

"You _are_ kidding me!  Fraser, that was a bald-faced lie!" Ray was amazed.

"It was a joke, Ray."  Fraser laughed.

"A _lie_.  Jeez, you _have_ changed."  

"Ray."  Fraser was serious again.  "I've always told jokes."

"Since when?"

"Since always."  Fraser shrugged and Ray shook his head.

"I don't worry about you and him; he's annoying but he's okay. Though the whittling is kind of worrying, all the time like that." He made a quick motion with his hands illustrating Kowalski's knifework. The carvings were beautiful--even Ray had a little wooden Mountie on his desk--but at the same time, it was a little intimidating to see a wild-eyed man with a hunting knife in the corner of the bullpen, even if the wolf by his side was hungry for donuts instead of blood.

"Yes, Ray's become quite talented, hasn't he?"  Fraser smiled fondly but with a certain distance in his eyes, as if he wasn't looking at the table any more.  It was the same look he got when he was thinking of Canada. 

"Keeps people from making cracks about you two, that's for sure. I think he's become part of the Fraser Weirdness Zone and people don't even notice any more."  Maybe Kowalski was a default Canadian now, only a mountain man rather than Supermountie.  Damn--he _was_ getting used to the guy.

Fraser just smiled a little and sipped his tea.

Ray looked at Fraser's face, seeing lines around his eyes and a sadness overall that he'd never seen before.  "But it seems like you've changed, Fraser.  Even before you went off into the wilderness, you know? You're not the same guy I left behind."  

"Should I be ever the same, Ray?"

Ray wanted to say "yes" but stopped himself.  He was thinking of the lake; it moved with the tides but it was always still there, being a lake.  He swirled the tea around the mug rather than answering.

"I suppose I have changed," Fraser sighed.  "A lot has happened over the past few years.  I became accustomed to the city, made a place here of a sort."

"Are you happy here?  Now that they kicked you upstairs?" Ray leaned forward, setting his mug on the coffee table.  "You haven't  
been around much."

"I've been busy."  But Fraser wasn't looking him in the eye. He never was much of a liar.

"You haven't been around at all officially," Ray realized.  "You just come by for lunch.  What's up?"

Fraser rubbed his eyebrow.  "I've been _busy_.  My duties as deputy liaison were mostly ceremonial and always light.  I came by so often before since I had very little else to do.  But now I'm responsible for all my former duties and those that were Inspector Thatcher's besides, and I find myself--swamped."

"Benny.  You love running around with us."  Ray leaned forward and put his hand on Fraser's knee.  "Are you happy here?"

Fraser cleared his throat.  "I'm happy when I'm conversing with you or when, ah, I'm at home with Ray.  I'm happy when I help people at work.  I'm happy when I watch curling with Constable Trudeau. I'm frequently happy, Ray."

"You're not happy when you're staring at a pile of paperwork."  

"Well, no, but who is?"

"Not me."  Same thing happened when they took Ray off the street and sat him at a desk.  It was important work, they said, but he'd go nuts if it was forever.  "You'll tell me if you're really unhappy, right?"

"Yes."  And Fraser was looking him in the eye now, so he meant it one hundred percent.

"It's still good to have you back, Benny," Ray said, more wistfully than he intended.

"I missed you too.  I don't regret returning."

They sipped sweet tea in the quiet apartment.  Another siren sounded in the distance, and the windows and floor vibrated from the earthquake bass of a car passing along the street.  Ray could see Fraser watching him, waiting for him to talk.

Ray sighed and spoke again.  "Ma's not doing so well.  We're moving her back to the hospital tomorrow."  She'd had a heart attack two weeks ago.  Ray had been taking half days and looking after her in shifts with Maria and Frannie.

"Oh, Ray."  Fraser's face fell and he set the mug down.  The tea splashed over the side onto the coffee table.  "Shall I visit and read to her again?"

"Yeah, Benny, thanks.  She liked that a lot."  Fraser had brushed up on his Italian and read romances to her when she was in the hospital for the previous attack.  Two hours every day.  Almost as much time as Ray himself had spent there.  His Ma loved it; she said it was like being a teenager again, with handsome young men coming to court her.

"Do you think she'll be all right?"

Ray shook his head slowly.  "She's sixty-eight, Benny, and she's had a hard life.  Especially with Pop.  Doc says she has to take things so slow in order to avoid another heart attack, so she can't do anything she likes.  We're taking her back to the hospital because she's having those, ah, flutters."  He gestured to his heart and Fraser nodded.  "With all the snow they're worried she wouldn't make it to the hospital in time if--"  He swallowed.  "If."

"You know we'll do whatever we can."

"Yeah, I know.  Thanks, Benny."  Ray dropped his forehead into his hand, rubbing at his temple.  "We're praying for her, but--there's not much--dammit, Benny, it hits me like, like a tidal wave, all of a sudden--" Ray brought the back of his hand to his cheek as he started to sob.  

Fraser hesitated, then rested his hand awkwardly on the back of Ray's neck.  A moment later Fraser sighed quietly and moved in to embrace Ray.  Ray tried not to think about what his pa would say as he returned the hug; but if he couldn't drop the macho thing with Fraser, then who?

Ray rested his head on Fraser's shoulder and cried for his mother.

"I don't think you meant a tidal wave," Fraser said quietly when Ray's sobs subsided.  

"What then?"  He tried to push away but Fraser wouldn't let go.  

"Well, a very large wave that strikes all at once is called a tsunami. Generally it's the result of some seismic activity such as an earthquake or a subsidence of the crust.  A tidal wave is the result of the tides, as the name suggests.  They rise and subside with the movement of the water."  

"Are you making some kind of point here or are you just being intellectual  
in my moment of grief?"  

"Er--"  Fraser looked downcast.

Ray did feel better, though.  There was something about Benny that let you spill your guts with confidence.  "It's okay.  It worked either way."  

Ray heard Dief bark in the hall and lifted his head, swiping at his eyes.  Fraser didn't let him go.

"Kowalski."  Was it eleven already?

"Yes."

"Don't want him to get jealous, Benny, he might gut me with that knife of his."

"He would never do that."  Fraser was like a rock.  "It's all right, Ray."  His arms were warm around him, embracing him like a wall around the world.

Keys scratched against the door and Dief trotted through ahead of Kowalski. The wolf immediately came over to the couch and licked Ray's knee.

"The conquering heroes return after their triumph over the pigeons in the park," Kowalski called out as he came through the door.  He was in jeans and one of Fraser's royal blue RCMP sweatshirts under his leather jacket.  He spotted Fraser and Ray on the couch.  "Uh--hey--what's up?"  

"Mrs. Vecchio is going back in hospital," Fraser said.  Ray sat silently with wolf spit on his pants.

"Oh.  I'm sorry, Vecchio.  She's a real good lady." There was a jingle of keys and Kowalski headed into the other room. "Come on, Dief, quit drooling on Vecchio, you know he don't like it." Dief grumbled and followed.  The bedroom door shut behind them.  

"That wolf isn't deaf at all," Ray said.  "He's faking it."  

"Well, I believe Dief was looking at Ray when he spoke."  Fraser's arms were like sun-warmed rock around his shoulders.  "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was run over by a street cleaner.  And I have a wet knee." He shut his mouth and his eyes.  "Aw, Benny," he finally murmured, and leaned forward to wrap his arms around his friend.  

He took a deep breath against Fraser's shoulder, smelling wool and wolf and onions.  He took another breath.  "I'm okay," he said, and pulled back.

"Are you quite sure, Ray?"

"Yeah.  You're a good pal, Benny."  He patted Fraser's shoulder and moved to stand up.  "Let me go wash my face off.  I need to talk to Kowalski."

"About what?"

"Same old thing, but I promise it'll be civil this time."

"I trust you, Ray."  Fraser let him go with a little pat on his shoulder.

Ray splashed some water on his face in the bathroom, toweling himself dry.  He watched the water drain from the sink, spiraling down. He could hear Kowalski walking around the apartment and braced himself for the upcoming conversation.  It wouldn't be easy; he felt worn out already.  

Fraser and Kowalski were murmuring in the living room, a warm, comfortable sound.  The sound of lovers safe in their own house.  God help him, but he was getting used to the idea; it was starting to seem normal, or at least no weirder than Fraser usually was.

He poked his head out of the bathroom to see Fraser and Kowalski standing and kissing against the back of the couch. Kowalski's hand ruffling Fraser's hair, Fraser's arms wrapped around Kowalski's waist under that long leather jacket of his, both sets of eyes closed as their mouths met gently.  He ducked back into the bathroom to give them some privacy. Even if Fraser was his best friend, that still didn't give him the right to be a peeping tom.

The bathroom held a dozen bottles of hair stuff and no combs, which explained a lot about Kowalski in particular.  

Actually, there was one comb, but it was hanging on the strap with Fraser's straight razor.  Maybe they both used it.  Ray gave them nearly a full minute by his watch and then rattled the towel ring and emerged.

Kowalski was sitting at the table with a bowl of stew, drizzling honey on a roll.  He nodded to Ray and ended up with sticky fingers. "Damn."  Fraser looked up and smiled fondly, then went back to ladling the leftover stew into a big Tupperware container.

"C'mere, Dief baby," Kowalski said, wiggling his sticky fingers under the table.  Dief jumped up and licked Kowalski's hand happily.

"You're a pig, Kowalski."

"Yeah, I sure am."  He didn't even have the decency to be embarrassed; he grinned instead.  

Fraser put the ladle down.  "Dare I ask what you're doing over there?"  

Kowalski stuffed the roll into his mouth and spread his hands, wide-eyed. He poured himself some tea and chewed.

Ray picked up his own mug and sat at the table as well.  "How's the new partner working out?" he asked, nice and friendly.

Kowalski swallowed.  "He's okay.  He hasn't licked anything yet but he keeps reciting Zen coins whenever something doesn't remind him of something."

"What?"

"They don't make sense.  He says that's on purpose, it's Zen. I say whatever; he's a good cop.  He's hell on wheels in the interrogation room and we haven't been on one single rooftop in what, a month working together?"  Kowalski shrugged.  "It's good. It's fine."

"It's 'koans'," Fraser called from the kitchen.  "Zen koans."

"That's what I said."

"No, you said 'coins'."

Kowalski was grinning.  "You know that's said the same way, you just won't admit it."  

"They're two entirely separate words.  One is Japanese, from ko, public, and the other is English, stemming from the Latin cuneus, wedge, referring to the wedge used in stamping the coins."  Fraser sounded steamed.  He was making little coin-stamping motions with his hands. Kowalski was holding his mug in front of his mouth to hide his face from Fraser.

"Benny's right, you are supposed to say them differently."  Ray put his mug down and waited for Kowalski's reaction.  Kowalski just looked at Ray under his lashes and smiled to himself before finishing his tea.

Fraser set the stew in the fridge and poured two glasses of water from the filter pitcher.  He sat down and set one in front of Kowalski. "What did you want to discuss with Ray, Ray?"

Ray gulped his tea, trying to think of the right words.  Fraser had caught him flat-footed.  Last time he brought up the wedding, things hadn't gone so well.

Kowalski cut his eyes at Ray and fixed them on the water.  "You and Stella still doing okay?" he asked his glass.

"Yeah.  We set a date.  June fifth."  He waited for Kowalski to blow up, but he just sat there looking into his water glass.  "She wants you to come."

Kowalski nodded, holding up his glass and looking straight through it. "That's nice.  June bride.  Me and her, we got married in November, and it snowed six inches the night before.  A real disaster. Half Stella's family got stuck in their hotel and we had to scare up this big old truck to go get them.  Back before trucks were trendy, right? And my dad helped the priest dig out the church door so everyone could get in."  

"That sounds like Virgil Goodstone's wedding," Fraser said.  "Except that there were dogsleds rather than trucks, and a polar bear was involved. Peripherally."

Ray watched Kowalski.  His interrogation room instincts were telling him something was going on inside the man's head.

"A peripheral polar bear."  Kowalski smiled, still looking at the glass.  He flicked his finger against the side, sending a ripple bouncing through the water.  "Stella, she was just gorgeous.  She was still all chubby-cheeked with hair down to here."  He drew a line at the middle of his chest.  "She had silk flowers in her hair because we couldn't afford hothouse flowers.  June is a good month to get married."

Last time Ray and Kowalski talked about Ray and Stella's wedding, Kowalski had punched him in the mouth.  Ray returned it with interest and Fraser finally had to pry them apart and take Kowalski out of the room in a fireman's carry.  Apparently Kowalski was a little more used to the idea now.

"Who's going to give her away?" Kowalski asked.  Stella's parents were both dead, her father of a heart attack and her mother from stroke.  

Ray had suggested that she walk up the aisle alone since she was modern and independent and all that, but Stella was a traditionalist in certain ways.  "Her brother."

Kowalski just nodded, looking like his brain was a million miles away. "We didn't plan to get married in November," Kowalski murmured.  "She always wanted to be a June bride, I dunno why.  We had to have the ceremony real quick because Stella was pregnant--it didn't show, but she was three months pregnant when we were married."  He was silent for a long moment, and then drank a long draft of water.  

"Ray?"  Fraser stretched his hand toward Kowalski, not quite touching his elbow.  His face showed the same questions that were stampeding all over Ray's head.  Kowalski hadn't ever mentioned a kid before.

"Only our mums knew she was pregnant, right?  Had to keep it secret from Dad.  But then we went over for dinner not too long after the wedding and Dad took a look, and he just knew.  He took me aside later and said 'Ray, you devil.  You'll name him after your old man, won't you?'"  Kowalski looked up at the ceiling and smiled.  "I told him I thought it was a girl."

Ray couldn't help himself.  "Was it?"

Kowalski was still looking at the ceiling.  "Stella was six months pregnant when she lost the baby.  It was so--quick.  In the morning things were fine, then after work she started bleeding, and the next morning there wasn't any baby any more."  

Kowalski took a deep drink of water.  He rubbed the back of his hand across dry eyes.

"I didn't know that, Ray," Fraser said quietly.

Kowalski shrugged, his eyes still closed.  "I don't talk about it.  Haven't talked about it in a real long time.  I don't blame  
her for not wanting kids after that.  I don't."  He opened his eyes.  "In a week it'd be twenty years and the baby would be all grown up.  But instead it's over, and that's life."  Kowalski looked at Ray.  "I'm just glad it's you and not some jerk I can't keep an eye on."

Ray almost smiled, just a little jerk of the lips.  "Likewise in reverse," he said, glancing meaningfully from Kowalski to Fraser.

Kowalski looked at Fraser, rubbing at his face.  Fraser slid two fingers up under the pushed-up sleeve of the RCMP sweatshirt, and it didn't seem like much of an embrace but Kowalski got a kick out of it.  Enough for them to be smiling at each other.  

Had Kowalski ever told anyone else?  He obviously hadn't told Fraser. Ray tried to imagine him and Angie losing a baby like that--or him and Irene, back when they were kids.

Fraser--he had it bad.  As bad as Ray had it for Stella. "You hurt him I'll kill you," Ray said.  Fraser straightened up a little and tightened his grip on Kowalski's elbow.

Kowalski turned back to Ray, staring him down.  "Likewise in reverse." He looked at Ray, breathing heavy.  "It was a girl."

Ray didn't say anything.  There wasn't anything to say.  

Kowalski dropped his eyes and folded his hands around the water glass again.  "I hope things--work."  He batted it gently between his hands, causing the water to slosh back and forth.

"I'll try."

Kowalski nodded.  Fraser was still hanging onto his elbow.

"I should get going."  Kowalski and Fraser both stood up when he did.  Dief even trotted in from the bedroom.  "I said 'going,' not 'donuts,' you mutt," he told the wolf firmly, but Dief just wagged his tail and gave him the big-eyes begging look.

Fraser appeared beside him.  "Don't embarrass yourself," he said to Dief.  Dief yelped and Fraser sighed, shaking his head and turning to Ray.  "I'm glad you could come.  I haven't seen nearly enough of you since our return."

"Amen to that, Benny."  He hugged the guy again.

"I'll make time to visit Mrs. Vecchio."

"Thanks."  

Fraser walked him to the door and handed him his coat from the closet. Kowalski wandered along behind with his hands in his pockets, sticking close to Fraser.  Sticking close to his family; Ray could understand that.  "Are you coming to the wedding?" Ray asked him.

"Yeah.  Social event of the season."

"And you'll be my best man, right Benny?  We need a good story about caribou to kick the marriage off right."

Surprise crossed over Fraser's face--he never did have much of a poker face.  Surprise then elation, a great big smile.  "I would be honored, Ray."  Ray clapped him on the shoulder and grinned right back.

Ray looked at Kowalski.  "See you around."

Kowalski pulled his hands out of his pockets, looking like he was angling for a hug. Ray gave him a skeptical look.  "Come on, Vecchio, we're practically in-laws now."

What the hell.  Ray hugged him.  

What struck him was how strong Kowalski felt.  He didn't think the guy had much to him, but there was muscle wrapped around those skinny bones.  He thumped Kowalski's back  and pulled back.  "You take care of him.  Don't let him run in traffic."

Kowalski smiled.  "I won't."

"Or lick electrical sockets."

"Too late."

"Really?"  Ray looked at Fraser, who just raised his eyebrows and played dumb.  "That explains a lot."  A thought struck him. "Fraser, you know what's up with Frannie?  She's been acting weird--more than just the thing with Ma--and won't say why."

Fraser looked at Kowalski.  Kowalski looked at Fraser.  They both looked at Ray and shrugged.  Fraser's eyes were just a little too wide for him to really look innocent.

"Yeah, I'll ferret you out eventually."  Ray waggled his finger at the both of them and headed down the hall, trying to figure out if this made Kowalski an honorary brother or brother-in-law.  His long wool coat rippled against his legs as he walked.

 

 

#   
end.


End file.
